Writing Workshop #2 Results

The exercise was to write an interesting ending to the following story:

All night long, the two attractive young women had sat at the bar smoking cigarettes and talking to nobody but each other. When drink refills were required, one of them would raise her hand and either point to her own glass, or make a sort of circular motion over the bar, which meant another round for both of them. The bartender, whose name was Mike, was well versed in cocktail sign language. These two were regulars and very good tippers so he kept a watchful eye on them both.  If it seemed like they were getting drunk, he'd water down the booze in what he thought should be their last drink, stick a bowl of peanuts on the bar, and make himself scarce.

He liked Patty in particular, though he barely tolerated her friend Shawn.  He kept hoping Shawn would go off and dance, or hook up with some guy so he could ask Patty out. So far, no luck. They even went to the ladies at the same time - and usually only once per evening, just before leaving.
Tonight though, Mike was about to get a chance to speak to Patty alone, because Shawn's cell phone rang a little after midnight. She looked at the caller ID, shrugged, smiled at Patty, then walked off to answer the call in private.

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And here are the endings our writers came up with in 15 minutes:

1) It’s now or never, Mike thought.  As he started to make his way over to Patty with a small bowl of peanuts in hand, a stranger entered the bar.

The stranger didn’t hesitate, but made his way to where Patty sat nursing her beer.  Mike stopped three feet from the couple and sighed.

As Patty lifted her glass, the newcomer shot her in the face.  He calmly pocketed his gun, lifted the unfinished beer to his lips, and tossed back the remainder of Patty’s last drink.

A tear slid down Mike’s cheek as he crumpled to the floor.

Peanuts scattered across the worn floor as the stranger left the bar.

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2) Mike walked over to where Patty was sitting alone. "Everything okay? he asked. Patty looked worried. "I don't know. It's late so it's probably not a social call. I hope nobody died or got in an accident." "If there's anything I can do to help, let me know," he said.

Patty glanced at Shawn, whose back was to her, and she had a finger in her ear. She was apparently listening, not talking. "So Patty, I've been serving you drinks for months, but I don't know much about you. What do you like to do for fun?"

Patty cut him off, she knew what was coming. "Fun? This is my only fun," she said. "Shawn and I, we're..." Mike interrupted. "Sorry, I should've known you two are a couple."

"A couple? Patty stood up and smiled. "You are so wrong." Shawn came back. "Mother Superior had a heart attack. We have to meet Sister Maria at the hospital."

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3)Mike walked up to Patti while she sat at the bar alone “Hello Patti. I am the glad I have a chance to say hello to you alone. Its hard to you speak alone sometimes.”

Patti smiled, looked down at her drink and said, “I have to agree with you Mike.”

Mike leaned over the bar said, “Would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday evening?”

Patty's face turned red almost immediately. She looked up at Mike and said, “I'm sorry Mike, but Shawn and I are engaged to be married.”

Mike said, “Congratulations Patty, to the both of you.” Mike went off to wait on another customer.

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4) Mike needed to seize this opportunity.  He quickly finished making and delivered an apple martini to the guy at the end of the bar.  Trying to look as normal as possible he headed back to where Patty was seated.  Just as he opened his mouth to utter one of his best pickup lines, Shawn appeared back at the bar.

    Patty looked at Shawn.  Shawn nodded her head in a YES motion.  The two girls then looked directly at Mike and smiled at him as they flashed heir NYPD badges in his direction.

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